đ Why You Should Destroy Your Phone
Billy Joelâs Advice, Hanlonâs Razor, & Menâs Biggest Problem
đ„Ż This is the Big Baguette version of Bread Crumbs where we rid the world of Sunday Scaries one 5-minute newsletter at a time.
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Todayâs estimated read time: 4 minutes & 47 seconds.
This newsletter is written by the guy who rolls around with dudes who want to choke him, Paul.
One Tiny Habit
Under 5 minutes a day can change your life.
Historian Stephen Ambrose writes about World War II soldiers who left basic training full of bravado and confidence, eager to fight when they join the frontline. Then they get shot at, and everything changes. Your brain is smart. It wonât use energy unless the situation demands it. Textbooks and classrooms canât fully capture what genuine fear, adrenaline, and uncertainty feel like. Only the lived experience of having bullets shot at you can do that.
We know that taking breaks is important. Without periodic breaks, we dilute our focus. But what about when your boss is breathing down your neck? Can you remember to take a break when youâre phone wonât stop buzzing? You might decide that the break can wait. Eventually, youâll hit a breaking point. Maybe youâll snap at your boss, impulsively quit, or unwittingly find a worse gig.
Lucky for you, the Piano Man has a solution.
âSlow down, you crazy child. And take the phone off the hook. And disappear for a while.
It's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two.
When will you realizeâŠ.Vienna waits for you?â - Billy Joel
We can take the phone off the hook. Open your calendar for the week. Find a 20-minute slot. Book a recurring, daily meeting for yourself.
For these 20 minutes, you are restricted from using your phone, computer, or TV. I prefer to go for a walk, meditate, or stretch. The first few times, youâll feel naughty. Like youâre breaking the rules. Great. That means it's working. The internet has conditioned us to feel a need to always be online. This slot proves to our brain the world wonât blow up if we disappear for 20 minutes. Likely, no one will notice. And thatâs the beauty of this. We realize we can afford to lose a day or two. These daily breaks prevent the breaking point. Youâre trading 20 minutes of unavailability for decades of availability.
-Paul
One Insightful Question
Stop unconsciously floating through life & start thinking about things that really matter.
In the spring of 2002, I was the starting shortstop for the White Sox. Oak Parkâs premier little league t-ball team. We were tied at the top of the standings. If we beat the Padres, we would have the best record and eternal glory. In the bottom of the 6th inning, we were mounting a comeback. Only one more run to tie the game. That was until our right fielder got caught in a double play and we lost. At that moment, he became my enemy. He must have done it on purpose. The malice!
Clearly, I was wrong. Anger clouded my judgment. He did not intentionally get doubled up. He was a 6-year-old that didnât know any better. But that wasnât how I saw it, at that moment. I felt wronged. I defaulted to an anger response vs a solution-oriented one. That response may have worked if the mistake was the product of malice. Unfortunately, it works terribly if the mistake was committed out of ignorance.
As humans, we defer to anger all the time. The student on the group project who didnât get his work done. The boss who gave us a super short timeline. The friend that didnât hold the door for us. Anger gets us into more trouble in these situations. We can reframe the situation and our response by using a question inspired by Hanlonâs Razor.
Are we attributing something to malice that is adequately explained by stupidity?
A mistake committed out of stupidity is more palatable than malice. It is also fixable. Stupidity can be countered by education. The student, boss, or friend may be ignorant of the error in their ways. Getting angry wonât fix their errors. Having an educational discussion will.
Our world is full of far more stupidity than malice. So the next time you see malice, check to make sure it's not well-disguised stupidity.
-Paul
One Guiding Principle
Principles can guide you to a great life.
There is a person in my life who I quarrel with daily. He makes stupid decisions, is wildly selfish, and fails to take my advice. But heâs also extremely resilient, committed to learning, and genuine. Despite spending a lot of time together, Iâve only recently started to understand him. I went many years ignoring him and a few hating him. It wasnât until our relationship reached a toxic breaking point that I decided to seek help. That person is me.
As men, we spend almost no time getting to know ourselves. We are taught not to communicate our more troubling emotions with friends. We do the same with ourselves. Weâd rather drink 10 beers than ask ourselves whatâs wrong. We think that by admitting something is wrong, even to ourselves, weâve lost. We are 2x as likely to develop alcohol dependence and 4x as likely to commit suicide when compared to women.
We canât stop that voice inside our heads from talking. So, the sooner we learn to accept him, the quicker we can befriend him. Drowning him in alcohol or silencing him with a bullet is not the answer. Listening to what he has to say is. Like any good friend, he wants to be acknowledged. Men have been grappling with this issue since the days of ancient Rome. So, the principle for this week is inspired by the great Stoic philosopher Seneca.
The person who is a friend to himself is an aid to all mankind.
A man who is a friend to himself is less likely to drag others down. The ultimate measure of progress is becoming a friend to yourself. You hold that friend accountable and give him grace. So, pick up a journal, open a meditation app, or speak with a therapist. You havenât lost. Youâve taken the first step to find your most important friend. The time spent with ourselves is immenseâŠ
-Paul
5 Great Resources
A curated list of content to help you explore your curiosity.
Find dope people doing dope sh*t in your neighborhood here.
Meet the company that is monetizing its media platform by becoming a bank.
Hereâs a tactical guide to hard conversations.
Learn how to sharpen a knife with the best to ever do it.
Want to learn more about Elon Musk? Read Tim Urbanâs writing.
-Paul
Meme of the Week
See yâall next Sunday. And rememberâŠif you donât chew Big Red then fck you.*
-Paul & Luke
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